bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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