her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
