Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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