I accidentally burped into my bong.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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