if you like me you must not know who I am
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
