so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
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I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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