im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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