Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
