I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
God I need to hump something, right now.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
