my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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