okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
