The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
