Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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