im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
