Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
