K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
