my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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