we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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