just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
