I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
