it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
