About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
