Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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