apparently the secret to your success is patron
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
