At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
