her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
