So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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