I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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