Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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