is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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