somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
