No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
