This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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