she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
