I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
