I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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