grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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