I wanna passion pit in your ass
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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