I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Randomize
