There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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