Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
