She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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