I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
