the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
