I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
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I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
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This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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