i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He has the fingertips of a God
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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