I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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