I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
