I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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