we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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