I'm going to jail i love you
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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