I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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