Soap is not a condiment
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
