I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
