you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
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Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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