Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So squirting runs in the family.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
