If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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