I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
