If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
