He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
