The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
