Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
