Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I fill condoms, not promises.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
