shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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