I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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