I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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