mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
