he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
