well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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