dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
