it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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