well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I understand Curling. That high.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
