just come out here and I will go home with you...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
