I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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