I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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