My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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