Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
