Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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