About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
