Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
